Kittylovespetemorethanu's Journals

want a Ville Valo doll??? I kno I do...help me out here

okay, so I've seen these dolls b4 n I think that they're jus absoulutely adorable...well I've been doin sum research on them 2day n I found out who makes them n I've been tryin 2 find a way 2 get ahold of her...I put a comment on one of her pics of her Ville doll that she made but idk if she'll get it er not...she makes more than jus Ville dolls tho, she makes all kinds of them...n idk about u, but I'd like 2 get ahold of her sumhow n get my hands on one of those Ville dolls...so I was thinkin, that if I can get sum other ppl on here 2 tlk 2 her besides jus me, then we could get 2 her sumhow n tlk 2 her about gettin sum Ville dollies :D if u'd like 2 help me out, jus comment n then we can work 2gether on tryin 2 get ahold of her n if we find out anything new, we'll tell one another...kinda like a secret mission :)

here's a little taste of what they look like

well here's the link 2 the rest of her Ville doll album

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sheryldesigns/sets/72157600872439873/detail/

comment if u wanna help :D

Valos, Letos, and GaGas,
KittylovesPetemorethanu
(Caitlin)
*Anthie Owns*

Geranium - chapter 2: Careful Hold

After making sure that every bit of me was perfect, I slipped on my combat boots and ran outside into the bright light, turning when I headed out the door to go to my car. I took a few steps when I heard a loud noise coming from farther down the road. I hopped off the porch and approached my car while dragging my keys out of my purse. The loud noise was getting louder and louder, making my ears scream. It was then that I realised that the sound was only a few feet away from me. I turned my head to see Phoenix doing a dangerously sharp turn into my driveway on a motorcycle. It was a Harley with flames on it. So typical of her. She pulled in when I realised there was a guy on the back with her. They got off at nearly at the same time. Phoenix took long strides to me, the guy following after her. He had many tattoos, one being a star on his right cheekbone, and brown hair with blond in the front. Phoenix smiled at me when my jaw dropped. This was all so different. I managed to get my jaw back in place and spoke. "What is all this?"
Phoenix grabbed the guy's hand and pulled him closer to her. "This is my new 'friend', Sully. And that back there...that's my new bike."
I made a twisted face pointing in her direction before snapping my hand back and swiping it over my face, leaving it placed over my mouth for a few seconds before dropping it to my hip. "And this happened when?", I questioned, hoping the answer wasn't too crazy.
Phoenix smiled and looked at Sully while she spoke. "Well I've known Sully for awhile, I just never told you about him. We decided to make it official last night when I happened to win the lottery and buy this awesome Harley. Jealous much?", she said while turning her head back to look at me.
I dropped the twisted expression and drew a quick breath. "No, those things scare me. And another thing, I'm breaking up with Lauri tonight."
Phoenix seemed to be a little shocked but not too surprised. "Well why?"
I slouched my shoulders a little and folded my arms. "He asked me to marry him last night. I've only known him a month, I'm not ready to be that committed so soon...", I dropped my hands to my sides again, "I have to keep looking, he's just not the one. I'm not into guys pushing me for things. That's the reason why I've never really dated that much."
"Well have fun with that, I'll be sure not to be there when he starts babblin' like a baby when he starts crying over your shoulder at school on Monday," she said amusingly.
"Thanks."
"No problem," she mused as she and Sully walked back over to the bike, kicking it into gear. I shrugged my shoulders and hopped in my car. I needed to stop by my friend's house before I headed off to Ville's place. I drove at a calming speed to Brittany's house. She was one of my other best friends who everyone called Peaches. She was seeing another friend of ours named Jake Gyllenhaal. They had been together for about 2 years now. Brittany's younger sister, Savanna, better known as Dead Girl, lived with her. She was a good friend of ours and was seeing another friend in the bunch, his name being Gerard Way. They had been together for about 4 months and Gerard wouldn't shut up about her. I pulled into the driveway, grabbing the money I owed her. I walked into the house; Dead Girl and Gerard were watching TV together. I walked past them and headed into Brittany's room. Jake was asleep on her bed but Brittany was no where to be found. I walked into the dining room and finally found her. I put the money in front of her face to catch her attention. "Here's the money I owe you," I said, unenthusingly. She grabbed it and took a big bite of her cinnomon roll.
"Thanks. Where you headed to?"
"Ville's."
She smiled while chewing her roll and began talking with tight lips. "Be careful you two," she giggled.
"What's that supposed to mean?", I asked, demandingly.
"You know how you guys act around each other. All kissy faced and always saying 'I missed you' and 'I love you'. Not to mention the fact that you hold his hand all the time."
"Peaches, me n' Ville have always acted that way. He means nothing more to me than a friend. And we're not kissy faced," I said defendingly.
"Then why do you guys kiss almost everytime you see each other?"
"I've known Ville all my life. Our parents were friends and me and Ville have known each other pretty much since we were in diapers. It's something we've always done ever since I can remember. And besides, it's not those sloppy, messy kisses that you and Jake do. It's kinda like a...well...like a kiss from a family member. You know, your lips are too puckered and their tight and dry. Yes, boring but not too wrong."
"What does Lauri think about this?"
"He doesn't know. But I'm breaking up with him tonight so it doesn't even matter."
"What for?", she said, her head tilting a little.
"Long story short, he's a creep."
Peaches began to laugh hysterically. "He's gonna cry like a little baby!"
"I know that," I sighed. Lauri had always been kind of a cry baby. Well at least he was when he was around me.
I gave Peaches a hug before leaving to Ville's. It took about 15 minutes to get to Ville's house. Once I got there, I just walked in and headed to his room. I opened the door slowly to find Ville still sleeping. The fan was blowing right in his face and the curtains were pulled over his window. He was laying on his stomach, shirtless with the covers pulled up to his arms. His left arm was draped over the side of the bed and he still had his beanie on, having pulled it over his eyes. I walked over to his window and opened the curtains, letting the bright sunlight in. I took a few steps closer to him before jumping on him and rolling back over on the other side of his bed. "Wake up, Ville! It's the weekend! Time to get up and spend some time with Moon!"
Ville moaned and turned his head to face me, keeping the rest of his body still. "Mmmmmm...I don't wanna", he said tiredly.
"You don't wanna spend time with me? Well...I guess I'll just have to leave then", I joked. I didn't move though, just to see what Ville's imediate reaction would be. He twisted his bodyback into it's proper place and pulled the beanie above his eyes, staring blindingly at me.
"Well good morning, Sunshine. The bear is awake and all the bees are stingin' him for grabbin' at their honey. Guess what, Ville. You're the bear and I'm the swarm of bees. Now get off my honey and kick it into gear."
Ville pressed his face into the pillow a little while grabbing my hand. "You make no sense to me at all."
I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Great, my goal in life is to never make sense to you, good to know it's working, now get up."
I jumped out of Ville's bed and stood in the middle of his room waiting for him to get up. I stood with my hands on my hips and and tapped my foot. I finally got tired of waiting and dropped my purse to grab Ville's arm and drag him out, letting him fall to the floor.
"You're so brutal", Ville commented.
"Yeah and I'm about to get meaner if you don't get up. It's Saturday and the world is waiting for us to explore it. We need to find an area in which we've never been. We'll watch the sunset there and come back to your comfortable bed where we can once again, slumber in peace just like you've always wanted. But for right now, you are a young warrior and warrior's need to learn how to get out of bed to start their quests", I insisted.
"Warriors' also need breakfast", Ville yawned.
"What do you want?"
"Your famous breakfast pizza. It's like Heaven on Earth."
"Well of course it is 'cause I made it", I mused, while walking out of the room to the kitchen. Ville's parents must've still been gone on their vacation. They decided to go to Hawaii for awhile and they were going to bring Ville along with a friend of Ville's choice. Of course, he picked me but I had too many exams to get ready for. Since I couldn't go, Ville told his parents that he'd rather stay here with me. I got to the kitchen and whipped up my breakfast pizza that Ville loved so much. When it was done and I laid it on the table, Ville walked in wearing only his beanie and a pair of baggy blue jeans. He sat down and ate while I jibbered away about nonsense. Ville would feed me a bite from his fork every once in awhile. Once he was done I followed him to his room. I laid on his bed and kept right on talking about the same thing. Ville dug through his closet and drug out his favorite Rolling Stones shirt which he had cut the sleeves off of and a pair of jeans. Ville undressed and began to put his clean clothes on. I had seen Ville "in this state" before but I had never really paid much attention to it. I mean I knew what he looked like underneath all of his clothes but I would never make anything of it and I would never stare because it would just be too weird and awkward. I was glad to know that Ville had never seen me like that. I was a little more careful about things like that than Ville was. Once Ville was dressed, we hung out on his couch and looked at old magazines that we found in his parents' room that belonged to his mother. We would point out a star and make fun about how they looked or how they acted. We had found one that had a picture of Courntey Love and began to make fun of her.
"Have you ever noticed that her lips are too big for her face?", I pointed out.
"Yeah, but her hair is what gets me. It's like a little poodle. I bet even with the most powerful flat iron, You still wouldn't be able to get it down. NO WAIT! A steam roller."
"Ville, you have a really vivid imagination", I giggled.
"Yes, I do. But nothing better than your's."
"And how is that?"
"I don't know. But I do know that you're tickelish beyond compare", Ville said, burring his nose into the magazine.
"Prove it", I said daringly.
"Okay, but don't act like I never warned you", Ville cried while jumping in to tickle me. He was searching me everywhere, trying to find out where my tickelish spot was. I never laughed so he knew he hadn't caught it yet. You could tell he was getting frustrated with himself, yet thought it was funny at the same time. He finally gave up and went in for the full on attack. He jumped up on my lap and tackled at me fiercely until he finally got me laughing. He found my tickelish spot and he seemed to be proud of himself. I laughed, my face turning a silly pink while I tried to tickle him back. I eventually pushed him off of me, tackling him off the couch and otno the ground. I fall on top of him and smiled, ready to get my chance at running. "So you found my tickelish spot. Bet ya can't catch me, though." I jumped up and ran out the door and took off down the road, looking back to see Ville chasing after me. I sumped over a large wooden fance, not knowing what was behind it. I stopped in my tracks to see the most beautiful sight in my life. There was a beautiful meadow that extended into forever. It had tall pink, purple, and blue flowers everywhere and trees spread into different spots, there was a little pond that was about 2 yards away that had tiny fish in it. The sun shining on each flower, casting it's own perfectly made rainbow of three colors. Ville jumped over the fance and stopped right beside me. "Ville...this place is so beautiful."
"Jeez. This is like something you would see from some kind of fairytale or somethin'", Ville said, gasping for his air back.
"Ville, this could be our own secret place. All to ourselves, no one else has to know about it. We can come here whenever we need time to oursleves and we can watch the sunset together while we stick our toes in the little pond. This place seems like it was made just for us."
"Apparently the people who built the fence thought otherwise. But hey, if they don't know, what could it do?"
I walked over in front of the puddle and sat down, kicking my boots off. Ville sat next to me;did the same. We watched the blue sky turn into a bright orange and pink while we talked about all the things we could do here to make our days perfect. Once the sun started to set, Ville pulled my head onto his lap and began to stroke my hair. I was starting to fall asleep when my phone rang. I answered it without looking at the name and my heart sank when I heard Lauri's voice. I knew what I had to do and it was going to suck.
"Hey, Moon. Did you think about what I asked last night?", Lauri asked, hopeful.
I took in a deep breath and just told him what needed to be said. "Lauri...I didn't have to think about it 'cause I knew right away that my answer is no. I didn't wanna tell you last night 'cause I didn't wanna hurt you but I can't lead you on like this. I'm sorry. I love you but just not like I thought I did. We can still be friends though."
There was a long silence until I head Lauri begin to cry. "You can't just leave me like that, Moon. I love you and we're meant to be together. And how can you expect not to hurt me. You're the only one I've ever loved enough to actually wanna marry and you dump all of this on me. Please don't leave me", Lauri sobbed.
Hearing Lauri cry was too much for me to bear. I began to cry because I knew I was hurting him but there was nothing I could do about it. "I'm sorry...", I whispered, a tear going down my cheek. I couldn't hear him cry anymore so I hung up and turned my phone off. I began to sob fiercely. I wasn't upset about breaking up with Lauri, I was upset about hurting him the way I did. I sobbed into Ville's lap until Ville pulled me up and held onto me, letting me cry into his shoulder.
"You'll be okay, I'm here for you. I won't ever leave your side. You can sleep in the bed with me tonight, would you like that?", Ville questioned.
I didn't speak, I just nodded my head. Ville stood up and helped me up. He helped me climb back over the fence before he climbed over himself. We walked back to his house, hand-in-hand, in the pitch black while I cried. Once we got back, Ville headed back to his room while I grabbed one of Ville's shirts and changed in the bathroom. After I had changed, I started to cry so hard that I collapsed on the floor, shivering, wearing nothing but Ville's shirt and a pair of my shorts. I knew I was probably overreacting but I had a fear of losing people in my life and when something like this happened, I always went overboard. Ville knew it all too well and knew exactly how to help me in these situations. Ville must've heard me fall, knowing this since he opened the door and picked me up in his arms. This had been something that had happened many times before and probably wouldn't be the last time it would happen. Ville laid me down in his bed and pulled the covers up to my shoulders. He left and came back with half a glass of water, handing it to me. I took a few sips of it before handing it to Ville. He took a sip of it and laid it on the desk nect to his bed. Ville crawled in the bed next to me and pulled up the covers to his shoulders, also. He wrapped his arms around me and began to sing "Dear God" By Avenged Sevenfold that I had let him hear a couple of years ago. He would always do this on nights that I was upset. He would let me wear one of his shirts, he would give me a glass of water, he would cuddle up with me in his bed, and he would sing me to sleep with this song everytime. Eventually, my tears faded and I fell into a deep unconciousness, too deep into sleep to dream anything.

Geranium - chapter 1: Unnatural Disaster

Life can be tough. One minute it's wrapping it's caring arms around you and whispering "I love you", and the next, it's slapping you in the face, making you feel undeserving and low. I've always been the person to get the unlucky piece of the wishbone. My senior year in high school is so stressfull, what, with all of the exams and college applications. Love was also a big factor. I had never been one for romance. I've had a couple of boyfriends before, and yeah, it was nice, but I had always considered myself an independent woman and capable of fending for myself. But this year, I was feeling more alone than usual. Yes, I had loads, and I mean loads, of friends, but there is always that part of me that seems missing. Yes, I have a boyfriend right now, his name being Lauri Ylonen. He was from Finland, like a couple of other people I knew, and he's average height, somewhat built, had baby-face, black hair that he spikedway up inthe back with feathers neatly placed in them (yes, it's weird, but it's cute), and he wore all black. He's a good boyfriend but I knew he wasn't the right one. I love him but I'm not in love with him. I don't know if he knows, but I'd rather not tell him right now. And OH! By the way, my name is Caitlin, but you can call me Moon.
I was sitting in my classroom, staring at the clock, watching it tick its way to that thick black line that meant freedom for the weekend. I was tapping my foot and biting my lip, holding onto my things, ready to jump out of my seat when it rang. I closed my eyes, tight, biting my lip even harder when the bell rang loud in my ear and I whispered, "Yes!"
I ran to my locker and crammed everything in it except for my famous Jack Skellington purse. I slammed the locker door which echoed with my amazing friend's "Boo!" which scared me so much, I grew pale. I turned and whapped him in the arm with my purse.
"Don't scare me like that!", I said, sighing while my heart calmed down.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist", Ville's Finnish voice almost sang in my ear. Ville was one of my best friends, and I could very much say we'd been best buds since as far back as I could remember. He's a tall, skinny figure with a sleeve tattoo on his left arm and tattoos in other random places. He had a diamond shaped face with an upturned nose, high cheekbones, emerald green eyes which were always rimmed with jet black eyeliner, plump lips (which always seemed to grab the ladies' attention) and shoulder-length, brown curly hair which he always wore a black beanie over, leaving the ends of his hair to stick out in a frenzy. He always wore something different everyday. Today, he wore a black t-shirt that said "Black Sabbath" on it and black skinny jeans with black combat boots that were coming untied, and black, fingerless, knit gloves. Ville was a ladies' man and no one could ever deny it. Every girl that walked past him would stare him down, even the preppiest girls on the planet, who you would think would never even lay a finger on him. But yet, Ville being Ville, never paid half-a-mind to it. He was a one girl guy and would usually stay steady with a girl for quite some time. At this time, though, he was very much single and every girl had taken notice, waiting for their turn in line.
Ville smiled and rocked back on his heels while he placed his hands in his pockets. "So get this...", Ville draped his arm across my shoulders while we walked, "I've got this exam that I've gotta do Monday and I need your smarts. You should come over to my house tonight and quiz me."
My heart jumped again when Phoenix appeared from nowhere and grabbed me by my wrist, pulling me away from Ville, not letting me answer his question. Phoenix was another one of my friends that was a total rockstar but loved being a country girl at the same time. She started dragging me towards her car in the dreaded parking lot. Dreaded, meaning loads of hateful teachers. I looked back at Ville, him smiling and waving away, pushing himself through the double doors to get out.
"Where are you taking me?"
"It's been far too long. You're a homebody and you're a total bore lately so we're gonna figure out something to do today", she said while tugging at my arm to make me walk faster.
"Thanks for the insult. But what are your ideas?" I questioned her, almost breaking my voice with fear of what she might do. You could always expect the unexpected with Phoenix.
She replied, seeming anxious, "We're stopping by Anthie's to get some money and then we'll just go to a restaurant or something. After that, you pick."
I hopped into the passengar side, closing the door while reaching for the seatbelt. Phoenix started the car faster than you could say...well.."faster". She pulled out of the little yellow painted box and took off flying down the highway. I gripped the handles of my purse, my knuckles turning white. "Can you slow down, please?!"
She eased up on the gas pedal a little, the car slowing down along with it. I released my purse and caught my breath back. "Sorry", she giggled, amused by my scared face. She was a total rebel and proud of it.
We got to Anthie's and walked in without knocking. It was common for us. Anthie was a few years older than us and out of high school already but looked more beautiful than ever. Anytime you go on a walk with her, be sure to expect a lot of whistles and whoops. We turned the corner when we reached the kitchen, finding her kissing Jussi, her boyfriend going on 2 years now. Phoenix looked at me with a twisted face and looked back at the embraced couple. She held her fist up to her mouth and did a little "Ehem" to catch their attention. Anthie pushed Jussi off her a little and her whole face began to turn pink. Jussi smiled at us, recognizing the feeling of being caught so many times and took off to the other room.
Phoenix broke the silence without hesitaion. "Anthie, we need money."
I turned to her and arched my eyebrows. "Phoenix...", I began, as if to warn her.
Elaina, most commonly known as Lainabug, turned the corner and went straight for the fridge. Lainabug was another one of our friends who was most likely to be found at Anthie's, chilling somewhere in a room at her house. Lainabug was seeing another of our friends, named Matt Nicholls. They had been together for about a year and he treated Lainabug like gold.
I was quick to jump in with a humorous, "Yeah, don't say 'hi', I see how it is, Lainabug."
She turned to me, a Dr. Pepper in hand and smiled. "Hi. Happy now?"
"Why yes, I am."
Anthie cut in the middle of our 5 second conversation. "What do you guys need the moeny for?", she sighed with her lovely British accent, while folding her arms.
Phoenix came back from zoning out and was quick to reply. "For a fun night. Or a fun weekend if you have extra money."
Anthie left into the living room without a word and inched her way to her purse. She pulled out a wad of cash and counted the bills away. She handed us a $50 bill and smiled. "Have fun and don't get yourselves hurt or you'll know what's coming to you."
"Thanks, Anthie, I loves you", I mused while hugging her tight. I let go of her and ran quickly out the door with Phoenix leading the way. We got into her car again, buckling myself in tightly, afraid to lose my breath again. Cars whizzed by while she took us to a restaurant at the edge of town, almost heading into the country. You could see corn fields about a mile away. Wegot in and gotour orders, chowing down on our favorite dishes. We talked about the exams coming up, which was pretty much what everyone in their senior year was talking about these days. It got quiet for a minute until Phoenix glanced over my shoulder and looked back at me with a tight smile, munching on her sandwhich.
"Hey, Moon, you should totally go hit on that guy over there", she joked, finding it amusing.
"Phoenix, I have a boyfriend, you know that."
"Oh come on, you don't have to ask him for his number or anything, just do it for fun."
"Well...", I looked back at the guy sitting a few tables away from us and sighed, "I guess, just for fun. I mean what could it hurt?"
"There we go."
I got up slowly and took small strides over to his table. When I reached it, I sat down next to him and smiled, holding my hand out to him, "Hi, my name's Moon. You?" I was getting nervous but I wasn't too nervous since the guy wasn't my type. He looked exaclty like a male model and that was a bit much for me. He smiled and grabbed my hand, giving it a firm shake.
"Hi, I'm Brian. So what brings you over here?"
I let out a slow breath and strained my voice from shaking. "Oh, I just seen you when I walked in with my friend and I thought you were too cute not to talk to. I'm kind of a bold woman if you haven't noticed already."
"Yes, I've noticed...", he smiled, "...you're very bold. So how old are you?"
He seemed to be in his mid 20's maybe, so I was quick to say an older age off the top of my head. "I'm 23...you?"
"I'm 25. And I hate to break it to you, even though you're extremely gorgous, I have a -"
In that sudden moment, a thin blonde woman, with skimpy clothes on stormed over and her voice boomed over Brian's. "Brian, who is this?!", She cried, demanding a response.
Brian's smile faded and he dended himself, saying, "Julia, hi, um, this is uh, Moon, she came over to talk to me but I was just about to -"
I heard a loud scream come from the woman and I felt a tight grip on my arm, pulling me up, The woman screamed in my face and slapped me as hard as she could. I tumbled to the ground where she stood over me and peered into my eyes. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath when she opened them again, seeming demonic. I heard Brian mutter something that sounded like a "No, don't..." but I was too focused on the woman to notice what he said. Mad girlfriends are most certainly not pleasant. She grabbed a pendant that was hooked around her neck and done a weird chant. "Love will surround you like April showers, man who has not yet found love and has been spoken to by you will love you to no end, but you shall not be loved by whom you desire most, may love torture your soul forever!", she spoke vividly. In that instant, the whole building went ablaze and the flames were crawling closer and closer to me by every second. I felt another pull at my elbow, but it was familiar this time.
Phoenix pulled me out of the building, helping me into the car. She sped off, seeming as freaked out as I did by the whole situation. "What was wrong with that girl?", she freted.
"I don't know but she's obviously crazy. I can't believe something like that could cause a whole building to catch on fire so fast."
"What was she saying to you back there?"
"I don't remember everything she said but I'm guessing she put some kind of violent love spell on me or somethin'. I don't think it'll work though, that stuff is bull shit. She's just crazy."
"You've got that one right", Phoenix smiled.
Phoenix dropped me off at my house where I went to my room and got on the computer to download some new music. I was dowloading so much that it took about an hour to get it all downloaded. After that, I jumped on my bed and began texting Ville on my cell phone..

Hey, Ville, how's it crackin???
~*MoOn!DoVe*~

nm, jus tlkin 2 u n eatin pizza...u???
XxValoxX

wishin I was there eatin pizza with u
~*MoOn!DoVe*~

Aww im sorry, ill save u a piece...btw, theres breaking news on tv about that little country restaurant...it jus caught fire about an hour ago
XxValoxX

i was there when it caught fire...long story...I'll tell u 2morrow when I come over
~*MoOn!DoVe*~

Oooooo, im anxious now
XxValoxX

u should be..........................i miss u already
~*MoOn!DoVe*~

i miss u 2.....i miss u so bad :(
XxValoxX

but ill see u 2morrow so don't miss me 2 much
~*MoOn!DoVe*~

idk if that's possible...i miss u every second im not with u
XxValoxX

I knew it seemed strange but Ville and I have always talked this way. I loved Ville but I didn't love him in that special way. He's always just been a really close friend and we've gotten used to talking that way. Right when I got the message, Lauri's number showed up on my phone.

awwww...same here...but hey, i g2g cuz Lauri is callin me...ill text 2morrow...love u
~*MoOn!DoVe*~

kk...love u 2
XxValoxX

I answered the phone without hesitaion. "Hello?"
"Hey, Moon", Lauri chimed with his light Finnish voice.
"Hey, what are you up to?", I yawned.
"I was just calling you to let you know how much I love you. I love you so much. I'd do everything for you as long as it made you happy. You're everything to me. I love you so, so very much, more than words can tell", Lauri rambled on, almost slurring his words together. This was so unusual for Lauri. He never talked to me like this. He never told me how much he loved me. This was a bit odd.
"I...I love you, too", I responded, biting my lip.
Lauri was anxious in reply. He jumped right in without stopping for a second. "I know this is so sudden and we've only been together about a month but I know that I'm in love with you now and I wanna be with you forever. Moon...will you marry me?"
My jaw dropped and I felt my face turning red. There was no way I was going to marry him. Notwanting to hurt him, I whispered, "I'll get back to you on that", and hung up the phone. Lauri kept calling over and over until I finally just turned my phone off. I changed into my pajamas and laid down. I closed my eyes and fell asleep, the flames from the fire earlier on that day, haunting my dreams.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well that was my first chapter :) I hope u liked it...n btw, if u don't kno who that is at the top...well, that's me :D *surpriiiiise!* lol comment plz!

anxious 4 Geranium

so I'm like extremely anxious 2 put up the first chapter 2 my new story, Geranium...I wanted 2 post it 2day but I hadn't hung out with Elaina outsied of school in awhile so I decided 2 take 2day 2 hang out with her...but I promise u, my friends, I WILL...be writing 2morrow...unless sumthin sudden er unexpected happens...other than that, I promise I will...thnx fer understanding! :)

"I want ur ugly, I want ur disease, I want ur everything as long as it's free, I want ur love...love, love, love, I want ur love...I want ur drama, the touch of ur hand, I want ur leather studded kiss in the scene, I want ur love...love, love, love, I want ur love..." - Lady GaGa

sorry, been listenin 2 this song a lot...lol

~Valos, Letos, and GaGas~,
-KittylovesPetemorethanu
*Caitlin*

p.s. like my new signature??? I replaced "love, hearts, and daggers" with "Valos, Letos, and GaGas" lol

Hey HIM fans...!!!

if u haven't already, u should go check out my page...I kno u'll love it ;D lol

New story I'm writing called Geranium

okay, first off, if u wanna kno the meaning of my title, then u can look it up...I don't wanna give anything away...lol...n these r gonna be the ppl that r in my story *I must warn u, there's a lot*...I have pics posted of the characters n who they r n things like that...now if there's no pic, that means I didn't get permission or I couldn't find one

ME, Caitlin! *of course* (will be known as Moon)

Elaina (will be known as Lainabug)

Brittany (will be known as Peaches)

Jessie (will be known as Snowbud)

Summer (will be known as Smilee)

Savanna (will be known as Dead Girl)

Anthonia (will be known as Anthie ♥)

Phoenix (will be known as...well....Phoenix) lol

*no pic*

Ville Valo

Jared Leto (the one in the middle)

Brendon Urie

Jake Gyllenhaal

Gerard Way

Taylor Lautner

Lauri Ylonen

Bam Margera

Matt Nicholls

wiL Francis

John Mayer

Caleb Followill (the one in the front)

now since I'm pretty sure not everyone will remember who is who with all the nicknames, I will be sure 2 mention the real names in the first few chapters n say which nicknames go with which...I will post the new chapter in a few days *gonna be very busy this weekend...otherwise, I would post it 2morrow* n btw, comment if u see anyone u might kno er what u think of these ppl being in the story :) I'll be glad 2 hear from u

-KittylovesPetemorethanu
*Caitlin*

Forbidden Love - chapter 32: Scars

The blurred light above me was all coming towards my face at once. I waited there for a minute to let all the fuzziness to go away. The hospital room seemed bigger than the last time I had been here. I moaned and looked to my left to see Ville's beautiful face. He had his right arm on the hospital bed, propping his head up. His eyes were closed and his arm was pushing against his face, making his cheek look pudgy. He was sound asleep, like a little baby. I didn't want to wake him. I just watched him snooze away for the longest time. While I was watching him, I started to feel a throbbing pain on the right side of my face. I touched it with the tip of my fingers and flinched back from the pain. Ville must've noticed my sudden movement because when I looked back at him, his head was up and his eyes were drooping, yet open. Ville's voice was raspy and muttered.

Ville: "Hey. It's good to see you up."

Me: "You, too."

Ville grabbed my hand and kissed me softly.

Ville: "I was so scared for you."

Me: "How bad is it?"

Ville: "Well, you had a few cracks in your skull but they fixed that right up. And the right side of your face is well...uh...I'll just say this: Severely purple and blue."

Me: "Oh, that's just great."

Ville: "Don't worry about it. You're still beautiful."

Ville kissed my forehead and brushed my hair out of my face.

Me: "Wait! Is the baby okay?"

Ville: "They done a scan and the baby is fine. The little cutie is still growing in your tummy perfectly."

Me: "Thank God. So what all happened after I passed out?"

Ville: "Well uh...I got Danny down to the ground and I wrestled the hammer out of his hand. I threw it into the neighbors yard and gave Danny a few punches he'll never forget. Apparently, one of your neighbors down the road heard you scream and was smart enough to call the police. The next thing I knew, Danny was getting arrested and I was in the back of the hospital truck with you, holding your hand and balling my eyes out. Please don't ever scare me like that again."

Ville buried his face into my shoulder. He turned to face me, his head still laying on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek.

Me: "Don't worry. I promise I won't scare you ever again."

Ville: "What had gotten into you anyways?"

Me: "Well...he pushed me and I just reached my breaking point. I went crazy on him. I punched him in the face too many times to count, I kicked him once in the stomach and once in the head. I even picked him up by his neck and lifted him up off his feet. I slammed him against the wall and tripped him and everything else. I busted him up pretty good, didn't I?"

Ville: "I would say so, he looked terrible. I'll be sure to never make you mad."

Me: "Ville, you're not Danny.I know you wouldn't ever be able to make me as mad as much as he did."

Ville: "I'm just so glad you're okay."

Me: "I love you."

Ville: "I love you, too."

I kissed him and in that moment, I was relieved to know that I wouldn't have to worry about Danny anymore.

After I got out of the hospital, I filed for divorce from Danny. After my face had heeled up, it had left two long scars that looked like I had been clawed in the face by a werewolf all down the right side og my face from my timple next to my eye down to a few inches from the corner of my mouth. They were permanent scars that would never fade and would be there for the rest of my life but I didn't care. I actually appreciated them because they were scares of a brave and couragious woman. A strong warrior. These scars meant victory.
After I had filed for divorce, Ville and I got married right away. We had a beautiful wedding in the church that I grew up in. The 8 months after Ville and I got married, I had little Brittany Jessie-Laina Valo. I was glad to have all of my friends back and being able to my baby girl after them was an honor. Even though she never went by Brittany, she always went by "Lil' Anthie" because she seemed to be just like a mini version of Anthie. Anthie had always watched over Lil' Anthie whenever we needed her to. Anthie and Jussi were always together and seemed to be the ideal couple. Hesekiel came back shortly after Ville and married Ell Bee as soon as he got there. Brittany and Jake were married also. Jessie and Taylor had a little baby boy named Taylor JR. Lil' Anthie and Taylor JR. were best friends. Summer and Bam were expecting their first child also. Having this kind of life is what I had always dreamed of. Ville and I had a get-together with out friends every weekend to celebrate the most wondeful life God could offer.

The End

Hope u liked it! :D

My little face is pink! reeeaaad Heartkiller

so I was like tlking 2 Brittany on the phone when I got on heartagram.com n I heard an unfamiliar song playing in the mixture of my John Mayer song...so I turned off my John Mayer music n played the unfamiliar music again on heartagram...n then after I heard Vill'es beautiful voice singing "Heartkiller" 2 me, I started 2 FLIP.....OOOOOOUUUUUT...like no joke, I was all jumpin n I couldn't breathe...Brittany was tellin me 2 breathe so I finally caught my breath after awhile...*no, I'm not lying about this*...n then Brittany had 2 get off the phone so I called Elaina...so I let Elaina listen 2 the song n she was laughin at me like crazee cuz I kept makin funny noises n I kept going like "I'm so happy!" n I was laughing like my dad which is rly goofy like...n Elaina told me I sounded like I jus smoked a joint *don't worry, I don't do that stuff* n I kept sayin that I need 2 tlk 2 Anthie...n then she started playin Matchbox 20 4 me 2 calm me down, since Rob Thomas's voice is the only thing that can put me 2 sleep *strangely*...n the whole time I kept sayin "HOOOOOOO!!! MICHAEL JACKSON!" lol...anyways, I'm still tlkin 2 Elaina on the phone n singing 2 Lady GaGa, a little calm down now...but I'm afraid 2 listen 2 HIM's new song again cuz I'm afraid I'll have another attack like that again...lol... crazee huh???

Forbidden Love - chapter 31: Strength

I felt nudging all over my body. I woke up and turned my head to see Ville holding onto my tightly, shivering. It was actually quite cold in this room and all of the blankets were at the foot of the bed. I eased out of Ville's arms, careful not to wake him up. He was shivering perfusely. I grabbed the blankets and pulled them up to his shoulders, covering him completely. He stopped shivering almost imediately and let out a sigh. I kissed his cheek before I put my clothes back on. I wrote Ville a note that read: Ville, I'm going back home. I promise I'll stop by in a little while. I love you... Pilot.
I put the note on the coffee table next to the bed and headed out the door. I got home while Danny was still sound asleep. I took a shower and fixed my make up, which was running down my face. I headed to the kitchen to find the sink stacked with dirty dishes. It smelled awful. I obviously hadn't been with it lately. I turned on the water and filled the sink with soap, scrubbing at the dishes. I was beginning to get frustrated with a dish that had a tricky stain on it when I felt arms being wrapped around my waist and soft kisses on my neck. My heart was racing, but not like when Ville had done things like this. This was strange, very strange. Danny hadn't done anything like this since he started hitting me. I was starting to shiver from being nervous. He was up to something, I wasn't quite sure what it was, but it was certainly something. He reached my ear when he started talking to me in low, seductive murmers.

Danny: "I've missed you."

Me: "What do you mean you've missed me? I've been here the whole time."

Danny: "No, I mean I miss you in general. I miss the old days."

I couldn't believe my ears. But yet again, I no longer trusted him. I knew he was lying to me and that he was trying to fool me. I wasn't going to fall under pressure. I turned around to face him.

Me: "I'm not sure if I get what you mean."

Danny: "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry...for everything. I know I've done so many bad things to you. Too many to name. I hit you, I raped you, I cheated on you, and that's only the beginning. I want it to be like when we were first married. We were so happy and now look at us. I know that I shouldn't be forgiven, but I woke up this morning and I just realized how wrong I was and how much I really DO love you."

Lies. All lies. I knew not to believe anything that passed his lips. I was done being bullied. But I decided to play along with his little game. Maybe I would find out what he's really up to and I would be able to play the game back on him.

Me: "Do you really mean it?"

I tried to make myself seem as vulnerable as I could.

Danny: "Of course. I love you."

Me: "I love you, too."

I could taste of disgust on my tounge. Telling him this and not meaning it was sickening to me. Saying it to Ville was so easy because loving him was easy. Danny pressed his soft lips against mine, moving his arms to hold me tight. I kissed back, dreading it. Danny kissed me like the first time we shared one. The memory of roller skating with him was beginning to come back to me. The memory flashed from one scene to the other, slowing down at the moment that we kissed for the first time. Danny was being so easy and so caring with me, it was beginning to get a little creepy. This was so not normal. Danny pressed his lips onto mine even harder than before. I started to feel guilty now, feeling the love I had for him again overtaking me. I was beginning to realize that missing him had really taken affect on me. I had forgotten how sweet his love was. I was falling under now and I couldn't stop myself, now matter how hard I tried. I forced myself to think of Ville, but every time I would see his face in my mind, it would fade just as quick as it came to me. My lips were moving right along with Danny's and everything wrong that he had done to me was all of a sudden gone in one moment. Danny pulled away and smiled at me, seeming devilish.

Danny: "That was wonderful."

Me: "Yeah...I know."

I was slapping myself in my imagination...slapping the sense into me. GO GET VILLE, YOU IDIOT! DANNY IS TRICKING YOU, PUTTING YOU UNDER HIS SPELL. DON'T FALL FOR ANY OF IT! I was right for once this time. No matter how bad it would hurt him, I needed to tell Ville what had just happened.

Me: "Danny, I need to go out. Is that okay with you? I just need to go on a walk and think."

Danny: "Sure, but don't be gone too long. I wanna see you."

Getting weirder.

Me: "Okay, thanks."

I got out of Danny's hold and walked out the door before he could kiss me again. I drove to the hotel, cussing myself out on the way, calling myself every rotten name in the book. I was so frustrated with myself I began to cry and grit my teeth. When I got there, I ran to his room door and kept knocking on it until he opened the door. I flung myself into his arms, still sobbing.

Me: "I'm so sorry."

I burried myself into his shoulder and hugged him tightly.

Ville: "Sorry for what?"

I pulled free from the hug to look at him in the face. I needed to be a woman about it and tell him straight to his face.

Me: "Um. When I got home, Danny was acting...well...different. He was being all sweet and charming. He kissed me and the worst part..."

My voice broke and the sobs got worse, bringing my voice to a whisper.

Me: "...was that I couldn't bring myself to stop. And if you don't want me now, I understand. I'm clearly not completely over Danny but I'm not over you either. I never will be. I'm so afraid of losing you again. But if it means keeping you happy, I'll do what it takes."

Ville grabbed me and pulled me in. He held onto me tight and kissed my forehead.

Ville: "I'm not mad at you. I understand that you can't let someone you were with for that long go so fast. As long as you love me more and won't ever leave me, that's all that matters."

Me: "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Ville lifted my head up by my chin, using his hand to tilt it up. He kissed me softly and grinned.

Ville: "Do you think you'd be up for what we were gonna do last night?"

Me: "Well it wouldn't hurt to try."

We repeated everything from the night before, starting from the beginning. It hurt a little, but certainly not like last night. It was actually quite pleasing, if you ask me. I had wanted this for so long and to finally get it and not let it slip from underneath me was absolutely wonderful. When it was finally over, my phone started to ring, obviously Danny. Perfect timing. I quickly rushed to put my clothes on and head home.

It's been a few of weeks and Danny was still acting unusually charming. I still went to see Ville everyday and went out to have fun, hand-in-hand. I hadn't told Ville but I had missed my "monthly gift" when it was supposed to happen 2 weeks ago. I was feeling funny in my stomach and I knew there was something going on. Standing in Wal-Mart...in the "women's" area...looking at all of the different brands of pregnancy tests was making my hands shake. I bit my lip and closed my eyes with a sigh. I grabbed one and bought it, taking the test in the store's bathroom. I didn't want to take it at home and get Danny all worked up. I knew that if I was, it wouldn't be Danny's because Danny hadn't raped me any in these past few weeks and he never offered to do anything so I just avoided it. After I had taken the test, I stayed in the bathroom, pacing the floors, waiting for the little red plus sign or the little blue minus sign. My heart was racing. I kept looking at the box, even though I had already read it several times. In this situation, a minute seemed like a whole year. After it had been a little over a minute, I closed my eyes tight and held in my breath. I grabbed the test from the sink and opened my eyes to see what the results were. As I expected, that little minion of a red plus sign was staring me right in the face, screaming "GEUSS WHAT! YOU'RE PREGNANT! NOW BREAK IT TO VILLE AND WATCH HIM FLIP OUT!". I sighed and threw the test away, along with the box. I knew what I had to do now and it was scaring me to death.
I left the stoor and took off to the hotel, my whole body quivering from the thought of that little red plus sign and what it stood for. I got to Ville's hotel room and let myself in. There was no need for knocking, this was important. Ville came around the corner from the kitchen and amiled.

Ville: "Well hello. This is a surprise."

I muttered to myself under my breath.

Me: "You haven't gotten the real surprise yet."

I spoke up after my muttering moment was over.

Me: "Ville you should sit down. I have to talk to you."

Ville: "Um. Okay."

Ville sat down on the bed and I sat down next to him, grabbing his hand in mine.

Me: "Ville. Please don't freak out when I tell you this. It's really important and I need you every step of the way."

Ville: "Don't worry, I'm here. Now what is it?"

Me: "Um...I uh...I'm sorta...well not sorta, I AM...umm..."

Ville: "Come on, tell me."

I took in a deep breath and let it go when I spoke.

Me: "I'm...uh...I'm pregnant...and it's most definately yours."

Ville's face was taken over with shock at first until he started glowing with delight. He put a hand on either side of my face and kissed me passionately. He pulled away and had a wild smile on his face.

Ville: "I can't believe this! This is so amazing! I'm gonna be a father!"

Ville kissed my forehead again before worry washed over his face.

Ville: "What are we gonna do about Danny?"

Me: "I'm gonna file for divorce. And then we can get married and start our own little family."

Ville: "When is all of this gonna happen?"

Me: "I'm gonna break it to Danny today. I'm gonna tell him that I want a divorce."

Ville: "Oh...okay. Well, you need to get going then."

Me: "Yes, I believe I do."

I gave Ville a kiss before I left to go home. I walked in the door where Danny was watching TV. I didn't care anymore, I just blurted out what was needed to be said.

Me: "Danny, I want a divorce."

Danny stood up and looked amazed at what I had just said. He got up in my face and had that look that he used to have right before he hit me.

Danny: "What for?"

Me: "I'm sick of being pushed around. I'm not falling for your stupid little games. I'm done. You're not going to take control of me anymore. Once I'm out, you won't be able to lay a finger on me."

Danny: "You're cheating on me, aren't you?"

Me: "Yes, Danny, I am. But it's no different from you and Sandra. I know you two are still seeing each other. All of your shirts smell like perfume and they always have some kind of odd stain on them."

Danny barely pushed me and I stumbled back, almost hitting the door.

Danny: "It's that Ville guy, isn't it?!"

Me: "You'll never know. And don't you EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

I flung my arm back and punched Danny in the face as hard as I could. It felt good to finally be able to hit him back. Maybe I'd get to see him bleed in return for all the times he made me bleed. I watched Danny fall to the ground and I was laughing on the inside. I was so proud of myself. The next thing I knew, Danny was up again and he grabbed me by the shirt, throwing me against the wall. I was quick to get up and charge after him. I jumped on him, knocking him to the ground again. I had him pinned and I threw one punch after the other, trying to break every bone in Danny's face. I was furious and I was so taken over by the anger that I couldn't stop myself. Danny got the strength to push me off of him. He picked me up off the ground and grabbed me from the back of the head, slamming in into the wall repeatedly. I lifted up my leg and kicked him in the stomach with great force. I touched the side of my face and found my fingers covered in blood. I looked at Danny, who had fallen back in the recliner. His face was dripping in blood from the many times that I had struck him in the face. I stormed over to him and grabbed him by the neck and squeezed tight. He would finally know what it was like to be strangled. I knew I was weak and I knew that he weighed more than I did and was stronger than me, but something in me kept pulling. I used every muscle in my body, using all of my strength, I lifted him up, off of his feet, just like he done to me the night he first suspected me cheating on him. I turned around and slammed him as hard as I could on the wall, right next to the big hole where he had threw me the last time. I held him there and watched him struggle. I wasn't planning to kill him but I was planning to watch him suffer. After he started to turn red, I let him go and watched him collapse to the floor. He was on his hands and knees, trying to get his air back. Just then, I kicked him in the side of the head. His head hit the living room door and bounced back. He seemed to be in great pain. I figured I'd let him go now that my job was done. I started to walk away to the bedroom when I felt him grab onto my leg, causing me to fall flat on my face. It knocked the wind out of me so bad that it took me a few minutes to realize where I was again. By the time I had came back to reality, I seen Danny standing before me wiith a hammer. I had really did it this time. I rolled over and twisted, kicking the bend of Danny's leg to knock him over. I grabbed my cell phone and ran outside while I dialed Ville's number.

Ville: "Hello?"

I screamed a bloodcurdling scream. The only reason why I screamed was because I spotted Danny behind me, holding the hammer above his head. I took off running as fast as I could into the dark yard. I dropped the phone, not thinking. I ran as fast as my legs would take me, the muscles pumping and working harder than normal. I got around to the back and his inside a ditch that was for the crawlspace underneath the house. I heard Danny's footsteps in the grass. I was hoping he wouldn't notice me since it was too dark to see. Danny walked right past me, not noticing I was there. I looked to my right where I seen a big black of wood. I grabbed it and very quietly, crawled out of the ditch. I snuck up behind Danny and hit him on the back of the head with the board with great force. I took off running again, making it to the gravel driveway when I tripped over a large rack and fell on the side of my face into the long stretch of rocks. I felt my skin break when it hit the rocks, numbing the side of my face. I turned on my back to see Danny walking my way, hammer in hand. I screamed to the top of my lungs, now knowing that it hurt to much to stand up. I heard a car pull in the driveway behind me and I heard Ville's sweet voice. He yelled something but I couldn't make it out. I screamed so loud and I was hurt so bad that I was losing conciousness. The last thing I seen was Danny standing over me with the hammer above his head once more, and a swift movement coming from the left, getting ready to attack Danny.

Forbidden Love - chapter 30: Chills

I opened my tear stained eyes to see myself where I had been the night before. Same setting. I got up, carefully, being sure Danny wouldn't wake up. He must've done "his dirty work" to me while I was unconcious. I put my clothes on and headed to the living room. The house still seemed to be in place, all except the wall that Danny threw me up against. There was a big hole where my back had hit it. I looked down at the coffee table to see my call phone in mint condition. I stared at it for a long while, zoning out into deep thought. It started ringing and starlted me. I gasped and was quick to retrieve my phone before it woke Danny up.

Me: "Hello?"

Ville: "Pilot, are you alright?"

Me: "My head sort of hurts but other than that, I'm fine."

Ville: "I heard you scream over the phone and I swear, it was the most terrifying thing I think I've heard all of my life."

Me: "I'm sorry."

Ville: "You shouldn't be apologizing, Danny should."

Me: "No, I'm not apologizing for the screaming, I'm apologizing for what I done to you. I'm really sorry. It was stupid of me to do. I've just been tortured for a long while and wanted to know what it felt like to hit back. It shouldn't have been you, but it was and I'm sorry."

Ville: "Don't be silly. I forgave you before it ever happened."

I then heard a car horn go off and a zoom of a car rushing by through the phone.

Me: "Where are you?"

Ville: "I'm in my car. I'm coming to get you."

I tried not to be loud but I was stern with him. I whispered loud and angrily.

Me: "What?! No, Ville, you can't, he'll come after me!"

Ville: "He doesn't know where my hotel room is. He won't be able to find you there."

Me: "Ville, all of my things are here. I can't get them all in this amount of time. Danny is just in the other room."

Ville: "We're not getting your things tonight. You're just going to spend the night with me. Just get what you need for tonight and I'll be there in a few minutes."

Me: "What time is it?"

Ville: "2:30 in the morning."

Me: "Um. Okay, I'll hurry."

Ville: "I'll see you in a little while."

Me: "Bye."

Ville: "Bye."

I creeped into the bedroom where Danny was snoring loudly. I grabbed everything I would need from that room. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I noticed a little bruise on my cheek where the phone had hit me. I put on make up to keep Ville from worrying more. I put on my eye make up and straightened my hair to make sure Ville wouldn't notice how bad Danny really hurt me. I figured looking more normal would keep him from turning around and beating the shit out of Danny. I went into the kitchen and snuck a cherry tootsie pop from Danny's secret jar. He would notice since cherry was his favorite but I felt more like I didn't have that much to worry about. I sat down on the couch and unwrapped the sucker, popping it in my mouth and tossing the wrapper on the floor. Doing this gave me a sensation of accomplishment. Danny would get over it.
I seen headlights reflect off of the TV screen. I got up and stepped out into the cold air. It was freezing when the only things I wore was my Garfield pj bottoms, my Tweety Bird t-shirt , and my pink plaid high tops. I got in the car next to Ville, shivering, my teeth chattered and the goosebumps were taking over my body. Ville didn't say anything the whole way back. It was unusual for him since he was a chatterbox. He seemed to be lost in thought, like he was plotting something. Once we got to the hotel, the lights from the windows and signs being the only light, Ville helped me out of the car. He grabbed my hand and walked me into the hotel. Once we got in the doors, Ville turned to me, biting his lip.

Ville: "Wait here."

I watched him head over to the front desk to talk to a woman that was standing there. I was still shivering. The doors didn't keep the cool air out that good. I started shivering again, my teeth chattering. Ville came back and looked into my eyes. He pressed his body against mine and hugged me tightly. He dug his face into my neck. I could feel his warm breath on my pores, sending more shivers into my spine. My teeth started chattering violently. Ville pulled his head back to smile at me.

Ville: "I can't get you warm for nothing."

I started talking inbetween chatters.

Me: "Ccan we go t-to your r-...room?"

Ville: "Sure."

Ville grabbed my hand and led me up to his room. Once we got in, he let go of my hand and started for the bathroom.

Ville: "You can just lay your things down anywhere you want."

It was a whole lot warmer in his hotel room. The chattering stopped but the shivers didn't.. I just dropped my things on the floor. and sat down on the bed. Ville came back and tossed a long sleeved shirt at me.

Ville: "That should keep you warm."

Me: "Thanks."

I pulled it on over the shirt I was already wearing. The shivering finally stopped, too. His shirt smelled exactly like his jacket. I laid in his bed and pulled the covers up to my shoulders. It was warm, just like his hugs. Ville turned the TV on and changed it to Jackass. It was at a scene with Johnny Knoxville. Ville kicked off his shoes and socks and pulled his shirt off. I hadn't seen him without a shirt on in so long, I had forgotten how mezmerizing it was. I couldn't help it but to smile and blush. Ville turned to see me smiling like a little school girl again. He smiled back at me.

Ville: "What are you smiling about?"

Me: "Oh, nothing."

Ville turned off all of the lights so the only light was from the TV. Ville crawled into the bed next to me.

Ville: "It doesn't look like nothing."

I tuned over to face him.

Me: "But it IS nothing."

Ville: "You like what you see, don't you?"

Ooooooh shit. Ville had caught me. I smiled so hard my face hurt. Ville smiled a flirtacious smile and winked at me. He scooted closer to where his face was inches from mine. I could feel his breathing on my face and I loved it. I giggled and bit my lip.

Me: "Maybe..."

Ville: "Well that's good to know."

My eyes were beginning to droop and I could finally feel how tired I was. I sighed while smiling and closed my eyes. I felt Ville get closer and press his body against mine again. I grabbed onto the blankets and pulled them closer. I felt Ville lay his right arm across my side and use his left hand to play with my hair. He was twirling it in his fingers and then would release it and do it again. It was making me even more relaxed than before and was making me drift into sleep. Ville moved again and nestled his face into my neck again. I felt him kiss my neck which sent my heart racing. I opened my eyes wide. I could almost feel them bugging out of my head. I could tell Ville felt my heart racing. I knew he was enjoying the fact that what he was doing was driving me crazy. I didn't move, I just closed my eyes and sighed, accidentally. I hated how I always let things slip like that. Ville dug his head deeper into my neck and kissed it again, It sent chills up my spine and made me gasp. Shit...I really need to stop doing that. I felt Ville laugh a little. He was starting to get playful and all I wanted was for him to keep going but not get too playful. I wanted him to let me sleep because I was so tired but the feeling he gave me was so irresistable. I felt Ville kiss my neck again, anxious to see my next reaction. I felt like sighing again but I bit my lip and kept it in this time. I was glad Ville couldn't see my face. I just made him believe that I was getting too tired. I felt him kiss my neck for the 4th time but this time, he bit me a little. My whole body twitched and I gasped again. The chills were almost too good to be true. Ville laughed again and began kissing my neck repetitively. I never knew I was leading him on this bad but yet again, I don't think I had given him any sign before that I still wanted him. He started kissing his way up to my jawline, almost reaching my face. I began shivering again, he was giving me so many chills. I opened my eyes when he stopped, to see his lips about to touch mine. My instant reaction was to put my finger on lips and stop him. He opened his eyes and seemed surprised.

Me: "Ville...I...I just don't know...I mean...I..."

I didn't know why but I just couldn't think of the right words to tell him. I couldn't tell him how I really felt about this situation.

Ville: "Please, Pilot...just one kiss. That's all I ask for. My whole life would be complete if I could just kiss you one more time."

Me: "Ville, I-I...I just can't...Believe me, I want to, but I can't."

Ville: "It's Danny, isn't it?"

Me: "Ville, it's..."

He wouldn't let me finsih before he cut in.

Ville: "You know, you guys are over. I know you know that. You don't love him anymore, at least not like you used to, and he most certainly doesn't love you anymore either. You let that sick bastard beat the shit out of you and then you come running back to him like he's some perfect little angel. But here I am now...I'm your one chance at a perfect life again but you just want to have the old Danny back so bad that you don't realize that I'm right in front of your face..."

I started to cry because I knew he was right once again. Ville began to stroke my cheek.

Ville: "...Pilot, he's not gonna come back. He may be there physically but the old Danny won't ever come back. I'm still Ville, I still want to be with you but if you're not going to realize that, then I don't want anything to do with you. Being near you kills me on the inside because I know you're married and that you won't let your shithead husband go. I can't be near you if I can't have you..."

I saw a tear go down Ville's cheek and I heard him choke up a bit.

Ville: "...Just...just please don't lead me on to think that you really care about me and that you want to be with me too if you're just going to run back to him. I can't stand the thought of you being knocked around like a punching bag but if you really want to stay with him, I guess there really IS nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do for you now is be here for you. And I'm hoping that'll be enough to get to you and make you come back to me."

I was in complete shock. I never knew that he really wanted me that bad. I never knew that he wanted the same exact thing as me. Everything he said was the truth and there was no way of denying it. I knew that what I was about to tell him was stupid but being married to Danny kept me tied up.

Me: "Ville...I know now that I HAVE been leading you on. I don't know how or why but I guess whatever I'm doing, it's working. I'm married Ville. Yes, I'm married to a total idiot, but he's been there for me for 4 and a half years. I can't just up and leave him like that."

Ville stared me in the face and anger began to take him over. He was upset and I was stupid for telling him what I just told him but I was scared. I was afraid that if I got with Ville then I would lose him again like I did the first time. Ville bit his lip before speaking again.

Ville: "Just get out then."

Me: "Ville...where will I go?"

Ville: "Back to your stupid ass husband. Because that's where you ALWAYS go. Because I guess that someone who tells you they love you and then punches you in the face is a real husband."

I didn't say anything. I just got up and pulled his shirt off. I was about to grab my things when everything that had happened in the past all came back to me. I was getting furious and now it was my time to tell Ville how stupid he really was. I turned around to see Ville standing up, putting his shirt back on.

Me: "You know, Ville. If I'M the stupid one here, then why the HELL DID YOU LEAVE ME FOR ANOTHER GIRL?!"

I took three long strides to get to Ville and get up in his face.

Me: "I loved you...I loved you so much, I loved you with all of my heart and that's why I never gave up hope, that's why I never gave up trying. I thought 'well hey, since he loves me, he'll come back for me when he gets the chance, right?'. Well no, I was DEAD wrong. I come home one night to Elaina's to hear her tell me that YOU found someone else. That YOU were happy and that I should be, too. That YOU wanted to stay friends and thst YOU weren't good at long distance relationships. I called EVERY NIGHT! I SENT YOU LETTERS! I BOUGHT YOU SHIT FOR ALL OF IT JUST TO GO TO WASTE! YOU NEVER PICKED UP THE PHONE AND ANSWERED OR CALLED ME BACK! YOU NEVER WROTE ME BACK! YOU KNOW WNY? BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING SOME OTHER CHICK WHILE I WAS HANGING OUT WITH DANNY, WISHING HE WAS YOU! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SHITTY IT FEELS TO SPEND EVERY WAKING NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE, TOSSING AND TURNING, CRYING, AND LONGING FOR THE PERSON YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?! NO, I GUESS YOU DON'T OR YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN UP ON ME! I'VE GOT CUTS AND BRUISES, I GET HIT FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I GET HIT FOR LOVING AND CARING FOR HIM! I GET RAPED EVERY NIGHT ALL BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE HAVING SEX AT THE MOMENT! YOU MAY THINK THAT I'M THE STUPID ONE RIGHT AT THE MOMENT, BUT NOW THAT IT'S ALL IN THE CLEAR, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE THE REAL ASSHOLE!"

I turned around and picked up my things, not looking back at him. I knew telling him that would get to him. I started to walk away when I felt Ville grab my wrist. I dropped my things, ready to turn around and slap the shit out of him. He pulled on me, spinning me around into his arms. He looked deep into my eyes and I swear, I could see fire burning.

Ville: "I'm sorry for all of that. I was stupid. I was an idiot for doing that. After I got with her, I realized what a big mistake I had made. I cried every night because I knew I had lost you forever. But then when I seen you a couple of days ago...I couldn't help it but smile. Every part of my body ached for you and my heart finally felt complete again. Seeing you again was the highlight of my life. I figured that since you and Danny aren't having the best life, that maybe you'd like to be with me again. I just wanna forget all of the bad things that happened in the past. I wanna focus on right here, right now. I wanna start fresh. I wanna be with you...forever."

My heart started racing faster and faster again. I was done telling him how upset I was with him and I was done running back to Danny. What I wanted most was right here and there was no sense in letting it go now.

Me: "I want to be with you, too."

Ville: "I love you. I love you so much."

It had felt like forever since I heard those words coming from his lips. I felt myself beginning to tear up. I was finally with the love of my life and I would never let him go.

Me: "I love you so much, too."

Ville: "I think I might kiss you now."

Me: "Okay."

Ville pulled me tighter against him and kissed me, hard. Feeling his lips again was like magic. Our lips were moving like they had when we were together before. I missed kissing like this. I felt him stick his tounge in my mouth and I my heart began to pound against my chest. We kissed passionately, the kiss geting more intense by the second. I felt him kissing me even harder, like as if the the kiss wasn't good enough for him. As if he wanted to kiss me better than he could get. I felt the warmth of his body all around me. I could feel the desire for me in him. I knew he wanted exactly what I wanted. Ville pulled away and kept his face close to mine.

Ville: "I want you."

Me: "I want you, too. I don't think I can wait much longer."

Ville kissed me quickly before picking me up and carrying me to the bed. He laid me down softly and crawled on top of me. He kissed my forehead before he undressed himself, undressing me afterwards. Ville kissed me passionately. I wasn't expecting it to happen so quick. While Ville was kissing me, I felt him. It was certainly better than Danny, that was for sure. I had missed this so much and I was finally glad to have Ville exactly where I wanted him. I sighed in the middle of the kiss and Ville pulled away to smile and laugh at me.

Me: "What?"

Ville: "You're so silly."

Ville began to kiss me again when he started moving. It felt wonderful at first until it started to become more intense. I pulled away from Ville and gasped. It was hurting so bad and it was pissing me off. Danny was too rough with me when he raped me and now it hurt extremely bad. I bit my lip but Ville kept moving. He must've thought the gasp was for something else. Once he started moving faster, I couldn't help it but to yell.

Me: "OW!"

Ville stopped moving and looked me in the eyes.

Ville: "What did I do?"

Me: "It's not you..."

I started crying because I was so frustrated with Danny. I wished he was there so I could punch him in the face.

Me: "...It's Danny...it's from when he raped me so many times."

Ville: "I'm sorry. I'll go easier then."

Ville began to move easier but it still hurt like hell. I began to cry, burrying my head into Ville's shoulder.

Ville: "Does it still hurt?"

I just shook my head. Ville stopped and pulled out. He laid next to me and kissed my cheek.

Me: "Why did you stop?"

Ville: "It's hurting you too much. I don't wanna hurt you."

My voice cracked.

Me: "But you're not...it's Danny's fault, not yours. Please, I don't want you to stop."

Ville: "We'll try next time. Just take it easy. Calm yourself down and we'll just sleep for now."

Me: "But I don't wanna sleep. I want you."

Ville: "I want you, too but I don't want you to be hurt either."

Me: "I know but I'll live."

Ville: "I know you will. Just not tonight. We'll try again tomorrow."

Me: "Do you promise?"

Ville: "I promise."

I began to cry again. I was so mad and there was nothing I could do to help myself. If Danny wasn't such a sick perv, I wouldn't have this problem. Ville kissed me like earlier, letting his tounge play around with mine. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. He smiled and touched his forehead to mine.

Ville: "I love you."