What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you...

    This place was unfamilar. I had been in places that had been close to this but it was different this time. The darkness wasn't dark anymore. In fact, everything seemed perfect. The sun rising above the horizon, the hill of blooming flowers was a perfect place to sit, the trees growing fresh apples on their branches, and the singing of the birds just put you at peace. I sat there on that hill and smiled from satisfaction. It was so nice to be alone for once and think about things. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the fresh air, the light of the rising sun making the darkness of my eyelids more of a gray color. I heard rusteling and felt a presence sitting to the right of me on the one special hill. I opened my eyes and turned to see who it was. I was so overwhelmed with happiness, I began to cry. My face becoming damp with tears, my smile so big my cheeks began to hurt. I flung my arms around him and cried happily into his shoulder.

Me: "Oh, Ville, I'm so glad you're here!"

Ville: "I know. I am too."

    I pulled away to give him a kiss, hoping the moment would last forever.

Me: "I love you so much. Don't ever leave me again."

Ville: "I love you too. And I promise I won't."

Me: "Good."

    I kissed him again, but something terrible was beginning to happen. The sun suddenly was setting instead of rising and it was setting too fast. It went dark within a matter of seconds. The hill was full of skulls from people passed away from my family instead of flowers, the trees had not one single leaf or apple on them and were nothing but hollow pieces of wood with branches like claws, the grass around me was nothing but dirt, and the worst of all, the lips that were touching mine were beginning to fade away. I pulled my head back to see Ville slowly disapearing.

Me: "Ville, where are you going?"

Ville: "I'm sorry, I can't stay here..."

Me: "Why? You told me you'd never leave me! Please stay! I need you!"

Ville: "I'm sorry but I don't love you anymore. You can make it without me."

    His presence was becoming more faint as time passed. I reached my arm out for him but he didn't reach back for me.

Me: "No, Ville, please! I need you here with me! I can't go on without you! You mean everything to me! Please don't go!"

Ville: "I'm sorry..."

    Ville disapeared with no trace of him left behind. I realized that I was completely alone in this hell, the strong winds blowing my hair in my face, the tears pouring like a waterfall. I started screaming, nowhere to run or hide, no way to get out. Would I be here forever?
    The screams got louder and louder, almost unbearable. I felt something grasp onto my shoulders and shake me fiercely.

Ell Be: "Pilot, wake up!"

    My head flung forward; I was still screaming and eventually got myself to stop. I felt the tears like I did in my nightmare and my whole body felt like fire. I turned to Ell Bee to see her face stressed with horror.

Ell Bee: "Are you okay?"

Me: "Um...I don't know. I guess I will be. I just hope I never have a dream like that again."

Ell Bee: "Well you're fine now. Let's take your mind off of it. So what happened last night?"

    Oh great. Last night. Maybe it was the reason for my bad dream.

Me: "Yeah, about that, I was gonna talk to you about that today anyways."

Ell Bee.: "Well okay. I'm listening."

Me: "Umm...some things happened between me and Danny last night."

Ell Bee: "Like what?"

Me: "Well...I uh...told him that I loved him...but not before he told me. He said it first."

Ell Bee: "Is that all?"

    My eyes began to swell up with tears.

Me: "No..."

Ell Bee: "Aw, what's wrong Pilot? What heppened?"

Me: "I um...me and Danny...we uh...we sort of...s-slept together last night."

    She looked at me and I knew she was going to ask.

Ell Bee: "Which kind of sleep are we talking about here?"

   I gulped and shut my eyes for a brief second before I opened them again to tell her.

Me: "I mean...we had sex."

    Ell Bee looked at me with shock and I knew she was speechless. I knew doing something like this wasn't right. I was regreting last night already. I began to cry harder because I knew she wasn't going to answer me.

Me: "...And I feel so stupid. I'm not completely over Ville and I went and done something stupid like this. Danny doesn't deserve that. I need to be honest and fair with him. He doesn't even know Ville exists and I think he needs to know before I let things go too far."

Ell Bee: "Pilot, things have already gone too far. You've already slept with him and he told you he loves you. Since you told him that you love him too, there's nothing you can do about it now because it's already said and done and no matter what you say or do to him, it's still going to break his heart."

Me: "So what are you saying I should do?"

Ell Bee: "I'm saying that you should try your best to forget about Ville and to try to get over him. It'd be best if you didn't tell Danny anything about Ville, just go on like you never knew him and if you go on like you never knew him then Danny will never know either."

Me: "Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, I'm gonna get myself fixed up and then I'm gonna call Danny and have him pick me up so we can talk about last night."

Ell Bee: "Okay, but make sure that Ville isn't mentioned at all."

Me: "Okay."

    I got fixed up like usual and called Danny to have him pick me up like I said I would. I waited for about 10 minutes before I heard the famous mustang's engine go off. Danny took us to an old abandoned elementary school. We sat on the swings in the playground and held each other's hands.

Me: "Um, Danny?"

Danny: "Yeah?"

Me: "What do you think about last night?"

Danny: "I think it was great."

Me: "Yeah, me too."

Danny: "Why?"

Me: "I just want to talk about it, that's all."

Danny: "Well what's there to talk about?"

Me: "Um...let's start off with what you were thinking while it was heppening."

Danny: "I thought of nothing but you and how much I love you. I've been craving you for awhile and when it actually happened, it was overwhelming. I think that if I could, I would've made last night go on forever."

    Hearing that made me feel so special. Of course, Ville had said sweeter things than that to me before, but I guess 2nd best was all I could have.

Me: "Thanks, Danny. That's so sweet. I feel the same exact way."

   Not really.

Danny: "Why did you cry last night?"

Me: "Um. I told you last night. I was just really happy. I guess I was kind of scared too since I hadn't done that with anybody in a little over a year."

Danny: "Well I can understand that. So um. I know this is a little personal but, I know we didn't use any protection last night so I was wondering, is there any chance of you being pregnant?"

Me: "No. I keep track. That's all I'm gonna say 'cause I'm sure you get what I mean by 'I keep track'."

Danny: "Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean."

Me: "So um, are we gonna be doing this normally now or are we only gonna do it on like special occasions or something?"

Danny: "I'm leaving that up to you."

Me: "Hmph...how about whenever I'm in the mood, I'll give you a call. Is that okay?"

Danny: "Sure."

Me: "I don't have anymore questions. Do you?"

Danny: "Yeah, just one."

Me: "Okay, what?"

Danny: "Who did you lose your virginity to?"

    Oooohhhh no. I don't think so. I was NOT telling him that. He would have to go on not knowing that one. I didn't care if he made a fuss about it, He wasn't going to know.

Me: "It's not important."

Danny: "Well to me it is."

Me: "I'm not telling you."

Danny: "Why not?"

Me: "Because it's not important. And besides, that's my personal business."

Danny: "I think I have a right to know."

Me: "No, you don't."

    I let go of his hand and stood up.

Danny: "I wanna know! It's gonna bug me all day if you don't tell me!"

Me: "Oh, really now? Who did you lose your virginity to, huh? You won't tell me, I know you won't!"

Danny: "Tara NcDaniell, 10th grade, Homecoming Dance."

Me: "Okay, so you told me. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna tell you, though. It's not important."

    I began to walk away, hoping he wouldn't keep it going. Of course, I was wrong. He grabbed my hand from behind me and spinned me around.

Dsnny: "How is this not important?"

    That was it. I was officially pissed off. I got in his face and began to yell.

Me: "You wanna know WHY it's not important? It's not important because I love you and that's all that matters to me right now and whoever I slept with in the past doesn't matter to me anymore! It was in the past, it's all done and over with and I'll never see or be with the person ever again, so it doesn't matter! As long as we have each other and we love each other, that's all that matters!"

    I knew I just told a lie because it DID matter to me. It mattered to me that I had slept with Ville before and that I wanted to be with him so bad that it was slowly killing me inside. Danny seemed to be speechless as I stared him in the eyes, showing him how serious I really was.

Danny: "I'm sorry...I didn't think of it that way."

Me: "Danny, we're 20-years-old, we're old enough and mature enough to know better than to have these fights. I had fun last night and I don't want that memory to turn out to be sour."

    Another lie. I really didn't care.

Danny: "Okay. I won't do anything like that ever again."

Me: "It's alright. By the way, I've decided that I have another question for you."

Danny: "Mhm?"

Me: "Will you let today be one of those special occasion days...?"

    I began to grin, strangely.

Me: "...The back of your mustang is calling us again, can you hear it?"

Danny: "Actually, yes I can."

    Danny kissed me long and hard before he pulled away and grabbed my hand, both of us running towards his mustang. It was a good thing this school was abandoned and no one ever came here. Danny reached in his pocket and got his keys and fumbled around to find the right one. He finally found it and got the door unlocked. We climbed in and stripped down like we did last night. My mind screamed again, since this time I was on top of him and I was the one taking full control. NO! STOP IT! NOT AGAIN, YOU KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT LAST NIGHT, THIS WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!
    I pushed them aside...again. I was already here now and I wasn't turning back now. I found myself kissing him, fiercely, like never before. This felt different than last night besides the position changes. I wasn't as scared and I wanted him more than ever. I wanted him last night because I wanted to remember how it was to feel loved like that again. This time, I only wanted him for the pleasure, for just the plain enjoyment. And I showed it in the kiss too. This time, I knew, wasn't going to be just making love like last night...it was just going to be pointless and, no question about it, stupid fucking. I felt really disgusted with myself by this point, but I was letting myself control me and not letting me control myself. I knew that was hard to understand but it made sense to me.
    Danny kissed me back the same way I kissed him. I pulled away and neither one of us said a single word. I just let him have it. It certainly wasn't like how it was with Ville. Feeling Danny like this was different than feeling Ville like this. Jeez, I wanted Ville so bad. I closed my eyes as I took control, trying to make my mind clear of everything but Danny and what was happening between us. Like last night, my guilt and disgustation faded when I began to feel everything intensify, and I could hear nothing but my thoughts, the heavy breathing, and the moaning. It took me a few minutes to realize that it wasn't just Danny doing all the moaning and heavy breathing. I was actually enjoying this! I knew I couldn't let myself do this, but I just let go of all of my worries and let it happen. Danny holding onto my waist, just securring me and making sure I was doing my job and not leaving him. The feeling began to take over my whole body and I felt my throat get caught up. I let out a gust of air from my chest and I heard myself whisper Danny's name, and right when I did that, I regretted it. I was hoping he wouldn't hear it and I was hoping that I would be able to control myself better. I, of course, was wrong, like always. Danny heard me and began sighing my name repetitively. Oh great, how wonderful. I got something started by accident and it was going to kill me now. I guessed that since he was doing it then I might as well say his name right along with him whispering mine. The same movement was getting old and boring quite fast. It seemed like Danny could read my mind because right when I thought that, he rolled me over on my back and done everything he done last night. His thrusting was faster this time and I wasn't sure if I was quite comfortable with it but I didn't say anything; I didn't want to make anything awkward. But the longer it went on the more I started to enjoy it and didn't want him to stop. After a little while, when Danny was well satisfied, he laid down next to me and kissed my cheek.

Me: "No."

Danny: "No what?"

Me: "Don't stop. Again."

    I couldn't believe what I had just said. I felt myself about to get sick when he climbed on top of me again. Danny went at it again, but only faster this time. Now I REALLY didn't want him to stop. I had a mixture of so many different emotions, I couldn't stand it. He was making me go crazy with whatever the hell he was doing to me right now, I was so lost I couldn't even think of it at the time, that I actually clutched at Danny's back, almost ripping his skin off, and sreamed, not out of pleasure, but because I was so frustrated with myself and so confused by all the swirling thoughts running around in my head. I just let Danny believe that the scream was for other reasons. Once Danny was done and pleased as much as I was, he laid by my side again. I turned to face him and kissed him long and hard, my tounge playing with his a little before I pulled away to smile at him.

Me: "I love you."

    Oh shit. What am I doing? This wasn't good, not good at all.

Danny: "I love you, too,"

    Later on that day, Danny took me over to Jessie's house. I was hoping that staying with Jessie for a couple of days would calm my mind down. I walked into her house to see Jessie and Dane, screaming at each other. Well this was a first. It was actually quite violent. Jessie began picking up heavy, glass items that were laying on the counters and chucking them at him. I was thinking that if Dane wanted to make it out alive, he better run for it because once you get Jessie mad, there's no turning back. She took a ceramic bowl and threw it right towards Dane's face, it missing him slightly and shattering against the wall behind him. She screamed at him like no other.

Jessie: "YOU SON OF A BITCH, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

    My goodness, he's going to die if he doesn't get out.

Dane: "I'M SORRY, BABY, PLEASE! I LOVE YOU!"

Jessie: "YOU LIAR! I DON'T EVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! IT'S OVER! GET OUT BEFORE I THROW SOMETHING AT YOU AND DON'T MISS!"

Dane: "OKAY, I'M LEAVING! JUST DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHENEVER YOUR NEXT BOYFRIEND BREAKS YOUR LITTLE HEART!"

Jessie "IN YOUR DREAMS! NOW....GET....OUT!"

    Dane brushed passed me and slammed the door behind him, causing a few things to fell off the TV stand. Jessie let out a scream and plopped down on the couch, digging her face in her hands. I sat down next to her and put my hand on her back.

Me: "What's wrong?"

    Jessie looked up at me, tears swelled up in her eyes, but I knew she wouldn't allow them to release because she was too srtong for that and I knew that. Her voice was a little shaky though.

Jessie: "I caught Dane in MY bed with another girl. So yeah, he was cheating on me."

Me: "That bitch."

Jessie: "It doesn't really matter though...I like someone else. I kinda wanted him to break up with me but I didn't want him to cheat on me."

Me: "It'll be okay. I'm here for you. And besides, you can go after this guy you like now. What's his name?"

Jessie: "Taylor Lautner. He's really hot."

    There goes the Jessie I know and love.

Me: "Does he like you, too?"

Jessie: "No, he just kissed me for the fun of it."

Me: "JESSIE!"

Jessie: "It was only once. But now I can kiss him all I want and not feel guilty."

Me: "There you go. You're being strong. Thatta girl."

    I patted her on the shoulder before I fixed myself something to eat and took a nap on the bed in her spare room.